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Who I Need To Be

by Andrew Niesen

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1.
There are not enough slaves to build this pyramid We’ve been whipping ourselves and going nowhere Stare at the blinding sand, too tired to kid Can’t escape this trap in which we are ensnared Get yourself out of this rut Don’t you dare get stuck You’re far too bright To stay here one more night If you keep out of sight, you will disappear You have to fight for all that’s dear Don’t let it weigh you down Or your head will spin around Keeping the masters at bay But we lose ground nearly every single day Getting the decent to stay Will keep the frontlines from starting to decay Regain the confidence To get rid this pestilence You need to see yourself for who you are
2.
All I Want 04:04
I have finally found the fortitude To tell you exactly what I’d do To be the light shining in your life I think of you every night All I want is for you to be by my side Sort the feelings you have so that you can decide What you want ‘cause I’m going out on a limb So you can be my “her” and I can be your “him” You don’t even have to ask me why I’m anxious for your reply Please take your time, don’t give me some line Because being with you makes me feel sublime Now my secret is out And I know you have your doubts I want to get to know you And we can start something new
3.
Can’t imagine anything for my future Loneliness is impossible to cure When doing my best isn’t good enough My screens provide manufactured love Seems all I do is work and sleep Don’t even care how much I eat Working mostly to pay off the debt From a past that I regret Now I’m trying to keep up appearances but… I don’t have dreams anymore Because they’ve ripped them out of my head Along with my heart Lying on the floor Kicked, beaten, and playing the role of the dead While nailing the part Eat, work, eat, work, eat, sleep, repeat Don’t ever forget your desire I know it’s hard to stay inspired
4.
Abrasive 03:11
Letting you kiss me was not my first mistake You might want to look in the mirror before it breaks I regret every moment, every second I spent because You’re so abrasive it’s sickening Oh how much you’ve put me through Acting all anxious and frightening This is the real side of you I’ve learned that not just looks can be deceiving Was anything you ever told me the truth? The worst word to describe you would be couth I know you’ve had it rough That’s no excuse, for saying you’d bite my tongue off You told me blood is what, you crave Now I will never feel safe I regret it, every single second You're so abrasive Not just looks can be deceiving This is the real side of you
5.
Screaming at myself This apathy is misery Inaction cripples me Starve for attention Painful pension for invention Of self destructive tension Sitting here alone Attempting to show what I know Also how I can grow Potential wasted Days not hasted Now I’ll face it Learn from my mistake Get what you can take Don’t seclude yourself This solitude is a living hell How long will it take for me To become who I need to be It doesn’t matter, wrong or right If you never tried Ignore all the noise You are enough so remain tough Sometimes it can seem rough Bury yourself Lacking wealth, mental health Dusty tool on the shelf When your mind careens And your teeming mind Of bad dreams Not as bad as it seems I will just beseech You all to teach And not to preach Failure is not the worst or only option How long will it take? Learn from my mistake
6.
Now my mind deceives me I only want what I don’t need Furthering the notion That happiness comes with a fee I’m not the only one So many end up just the same Purveying our thoughts now It makes me hang my head in shame Sell me something I’m a whore I can’t help wanting more I just feed On my greed Kill my brain Just the same Wasting my time and money On the material It’s an arms race of goods Who’s superior? Stealing our purpose Living for the dollar sign Fighting each other to be First in line What we want is paramount To our insatiable thirst The money’s burning a hole in our hearts And that’s not even the worst When being numb is your lifelong goal What will be the ultimate toll? We’re all bought and sold
7.
Perspective 04:00
I was young and naïve And all your lies I believed You are always contradicting What you say and do are conflicting My safety net is gone, I’m alone I’ll be better off on my own But sometimes you just need to fall To see things from the right perspective Your diary makes no sense It is missing many pages It was written a long time ago And constructed in phases Years wasted You’re out of touch with reality Now I’m free from the guilt you forced on me Talking to myself but what’s new, I’ve learned you were never true
8.
Where do you draw the line between friend and food? Does mass slaughter get you in the mood? If there's a better way why shouldn't we End our cruelty? If you were in their shoes you would sing a different tune Your tolerance keeps you from making a difference You say you could not you really mean you don't care Your brazen denial is more than I can bear What is the expense Of your happiness? Selfishness Gluttony Tradition Cruelty
9.
Your Voice 03:20
If you don't want to be with another of the same gender then don't If you think we'll back down from this cause You need to take pause because we won't This hate and bigotry distresses me When we are supposed to live in the land of the free It's not a choice, so make some noise Show them they cannot quell your voice This is the new racism Times will change with or without you Let us break down this schism Open your eyes to a different view What gives you the right To deny others equality We are all just people in a fight It's the blind verses reality What are you afraid of Love is not a sin Respect your fellow human
10.
A compromise was set In the annals of time That they would rule in turn But some delay would not be crime So they wield their weaknesses And trade stabs of tradition Yet in the end they fight for not Every tactic is wasted ambition Upon completion We’re casually conflicted Of mind and body By elements, constricted And when scepters change hands We’re conflict casualties Of body and mind To fill and taint all seas At the end of this war We will ask what they fought for The winner destined to defend Until their, eventual, until their end When houses are ripped apart Entire cities lay in ruins Entities crave ultimate power Both balance and order are truant We’ll look for a way to stop them Or to delay the destruction But everything continues in chaos Their laws now serve no function

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released December 28, 2012

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Andrew Niesen Foster, Kentucky

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